Almost a month ago now, I decided to restart my blog. I was feeling the “itch” to write again. Then…
I got sick.
I mean, really sick.
For 6 days straight, I could do little but lay on the couch, watch TV, sleep, and occasionally eat. It was just a head/chest cold, but it was honestly the sickest I’ve been in a long time.
When I relaunched my blog, I planned to post about twice a week. But clearly that hasn’t happened. That first week it was being sick that prevented it, and since then life has somehow gotten busier and that’s gotten in my way.
This is not my trying to make excuses. Instead, this is my laying out the path to humility the Lord has been bringing me on. In the past, as I lived out of unhealthy perfectionist ways, I would have been too embarrassed missing a month of writing to ever return. I would have simply given up my blog entirely, but that would be such a loss to my own sense of well-being and purpose! So here I am, returning with a “better late than never” attitude. I do want to continue to aim for 1-2 posts per week, but I don’t want to stop writing altogether just because I mess up occasionally.
The other part of this path to humility was the sickness itself. The Lord has been teaching me not to try so hard, that I fret a lot without any good result to myself or my surroundings. Being sick was an incredibly humbling experience. I actually couldn’t do anything! In fact, the one thing I did do that week (attend a book study led by a dear friend) resulted in my getting sicker because the excursion out of the house was more than I could handle! I had to rely on the Lord and my husband to do a lot for me that week, basically heal me and anything that required standing, respectively. 😉
I’ve never liked being sick. I’m sure no one ever does. But somehow, this sickness brought healing. I know this sounds odd, but it is really beginning to prove true. Something has been different in my life the last three weeks since I was sick. Ministry with the Dream Center has picked up, so I’ve been busier, but something has changed inside me. I feel more at peace (though there is still more to grow!). I don’t mind so much being home alone a lot of days–and for an extrovert this is a big deal! I feel a new sense of direction and purpose, even on the days when I have less to do.
Somehow, having to truly rely on Jesus in my sickness has extended to my relying on him even now. And, by God’s grace, this sacred dependency will continue to grow.
May we together learn to rely on God’s grace.
More to come soon,